Note: This writing is not our usual Weekly Activity update, but more supplemental in nature. Our usual Weekly Update will be posted shortly.
Usually I focus on our specific activities for the week, but today I wanted to share about our group and how we move through the day in regard to the social work of playing together. It's very clear to me that the children enjoy being around other children, but not all the time. How we work through tough moments at the beginning of our day may look very different from what our kids might need a couple of hours later. On my end, taking an attitude of "suiting the mood" in helping the children problem-solve is essential.
In the morning, addressing conflict can be more readily addressed as an open question to the group. A perfect example: on Wednesday morning, some of the children were gathered on the rug, using large yogurt containers as drums and hitting them with chopsticks, having a blast. Another child was making soup in the housekeeping area and wanted to extend her play, so she brought her pot of soup to the rug as well. The drummers began banging on the pot, which upset the young cook. I asked the children to take five. "Help me figure out what we can do. Young Cook brought the pot over and she was still using it, I could see that. Young Cook, did you bring it over for us to use for drums?" Everyone could hear and see the big NO on her face. "Would it be alright for me to bring out some other pans to bang on?" This seemed to be a good solution and the drummers were invited into the kitchen to bring the big pans out.
Other times, when we have to take turns, it's inevitable that someone might have to wait. Helping the children remember which words to use:"I'd like a turn when you are finished", or "I'm using it. You can have it when I'm done" gives them a script. What's more, when I'm checking in and helping children to organize how their turns will go, I'll sometimes ask "Does that feel good for you?" In life, not everything is fair, but we have a lot of opportunities to figure out compromises that feel okay for everyone. When two children can come to agreement and be content with it, I know that it's less likely we're going to revisit that conflict in the next few minutes. Sometimes our children aren't happy with having to wait for a turn or having to regulate themselves in some way, but asking this question gives me better information and allows me to offer empathy and alternatives instead of just leaving a child to sit there unhappy.
Toward the end of the day it's great to be outside. By this time, some days, the children need more space for independent play and may need more assertiveness on my part. An afternoon scene between two playmates illustrates this well: one was using a bucket and a piece of raffia together, wrapping the ribbon around the bucket's handle to fashion a new way of holding it; the other child wanted to load sand into the bucket. Both tired, the children weren't in the mood to process this together and so I stepped in, noticing what was happening and pointing the second child toward an unused bucket. Yet another turn of events ensued: now that this second bucket was being filled with sand, the first child wanted to help with the scooping and filling. This was just too much for the second child: she'd been pushed away to find her own bucket and now this one was her's. The children needed direction and time away from this situation, so I invited the first child to play with another child, whose game was to fill up scoops with water from the trickle of the downspouts. Everyone was content.
Knowing when to bring the children into the negotiation process, and when they just need someone else to be observant, responsive and in charge is a balancing act. What I've also noticed, though, is that the children are really using the scripts we've been practicing. Our small table in the puzzle area is a designated space for one child to work on their own, unless they are open to having company. I now hear children asking each other at the table "Do you want to be alone?" and "Can I do puzzles with you?" before they join each other. Likewise, when someone is working at something, we are using phrases like "Do you want help?" before jumping into someone else's activity. This is helpful when the children are working from their imaginations to create something or when they are needing a break from being in the company of others.
All of this is very important work for our youngsters. We can support this at home, too, by modeling what we would like them to do and by just noticing what's happening during times of potential conflict. ("Oh, you want to use this whole table for playdough and I need some space to do my work. What could we do to have space for both of us?") When we involve children in problem-solving for these minor situations, we help them practice these skills in a way that helps to reinforce them and builds confidence because they are an active part of the resolution.
Lastly, for what it's worth, I'm of the belief that conflict isn't necessarily a bad thing, most especially when we can use these differences of need or opinion to guide the children to finding common ground. The more comfortable our children become now, in preschool, with sharing their feelings and ideas and even their sense of what's right and feels good, the better prepared they will be for a larger preschool or kindergarten group.
